And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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