Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
