i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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