bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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