I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
