Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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