Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
