Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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