You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize