We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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