she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
