I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
