i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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