is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Randomize
