Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
