I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
