me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
