I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
