Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
That was before I lit my hair on fire
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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