I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
