Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize