It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
