stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
