I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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