I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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