I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
