If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize