I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
