i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
It's shark week go big or go home
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
