so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
