did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
