Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize