i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
