Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Randomize
