maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
