Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
