yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
