I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
