Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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