Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
