im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
