I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
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