If i come over, it means nothing
Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Can i not drive my cunt home
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
