when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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