I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
there was a trapeze. enough said
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize