Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
