he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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