Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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