You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
He felt like a one man threesome
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
