Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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