I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
