he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
