hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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