I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
