I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
