Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
