You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Randomize
