Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
