so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
