I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
