Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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