We won't sleep together?
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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