not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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