I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
