Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
