You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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