She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
