don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
