How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
