Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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