cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
