I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
