So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
