She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
