I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
