Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
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