Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
