you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
So apparently I’m into choking now
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
