i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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