Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
