shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
