whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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