dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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