My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Randomize
