I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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