You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
