Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
