My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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