my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
