I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
