Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Be still, my beating vagina.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
