I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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