did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
