did you get engaged???
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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