oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
