I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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