I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
