Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
