Porn is love you can see.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
