I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
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