she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
