I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
