I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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