you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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