Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
