I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
