I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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