just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I'm just crazy horny about you
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
