my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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